blog with B

Better

2011-09-14T03:13:00.000-05:00

There is a song called Better. It is by Brooke Fraser. It's a really good song and her voice is absolutely astounding BUT one of the lines in it is something I am living out in my daily life right now. The chorus says " I would give anything to make you better. I would give anything to point you to free. I would give anything to make you realize" My dad has been very "sick" recently and I would give anything to make him better! I would give anything for him to to be free of this crippling disorder. About a month ago he was diagnosed with having seizures. This has drastically changed his life. He can't drive any more which for him is a BIG deal considering that is how he runs his ministry, which ministers to at risk youth here in Omaha. He mentors kids at DCYC and other various places around Omaha such as Omaha Street School. Three days a week himself and other volunteers lead bible study's, mentor kids, and tutor as well. His ministry is something Omaha needs and is something that Omaha is benefiting from (I may be a little biased) Not only is Omaha benefitting though I feel like I am benefitting. I see a man who at one time was MEAN! Cold, hard hearted and mean! He was not filled with love or compassion or mercy! He would have referred to the kids he mentors as hoodlums, gang banging punks or worse. Now his days are filled with them. He cares about nothing more than giving these kids hope. He wants nothing more than for them to turn from their ways and follow Jesus. So that they can have a hope for the future. After he found out he couldn't drive I got to talk to him on the phone for a bit. I asked him how he was feeling and how he was coping with the fact that he was no longer going to be able to drive. His first comment was well.. I hope you like driving me! I laughed and asked but really!! and he said "Brianna, consider it dear joy my brothers when you experience trials" I have never had more respect for a person than in that moment. I feel as if he is a modern day Paul. Preaching the word to people who need it. Ailments and trials (he by no means is suffering in jail and about to be martyred) even still through all the things he's been through he keeps strong. Digs in to his bible nearly every day (far more than I do) he constantly is making sure others needs are being met. In these moments I want nothing more than for him to be better! For him to be free! So that he can stop having "special K" or "flippy floppy flounder" (as we call them at home) moments. That he can with ease think and talk. Live life like a normal person. I would give anything for that! Because even with all the trouble he can be at times he deserves it more than anyone I know!

nothing worth having comes without some kind of a fight

2010-09-10T00:50:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking a lot lately about the things I want in life.

I want a friends.

I want a family (someday not in the near future)

I want to love and be loved.

I want to be kind.

I want to be a good friend.

I want to own my own dog someday.

I want to travel the world.

I want to dance like no one is watching (that sounds cliche but its true. Every time I dance I am so uncomfortable because I feel like everyone is secretly laughing at how bad I am)

I want to sing (and not just in my car) I want to sing so people can hear me (despite how much I deny it God did bless me with a beautiful voice and I don't use it enough for his glory) and some how maybe hearing me sing would change their life!

I also want to make a difference in the life of AT LEAST 1 person (preferably more...but I'll take what I can get :])

When I was in Guatemala I felt like I was making a difference... now I feel as though I have become complacent in this place... I feel my desire to help the people that Jesus would say are the least of these has faded.

However, this past weekend at LifeLight my friend Steph brought me to this booth that had a bunch of bracelets. They all said different things on them (I don't remember them all) but one was world changer. When she brought me to the table to pick one I wasn't sure which to pick so I asked her which one she would pick for me. She read all the descriptions and choose world-changer. I feel that is what I want to be but I become so complacent and then in my complacency Satan inches his way in and I forget to be what God desires me to be.

God didn't give me the caring and compassionate heart he gave me to sit around and let it go to waste. There is a reason why I was given those talents. I am suppose to USE them!

I was thinking tonight about some things and I came up with little phrase,

Maybe it's not suppose to be comfortable and non confrontational. Maybe you have to fight for what you want instead of settling for what you could have.

This could go for anything but especially for our faith. We are not suppose to be comfortable and our faith is not suppose to be something people won't confront us about. Chances are your faith will cause conflict in your life (whether its that you are wrestling with something or someone picks a fight with you about your faith). As Christ followers though we are to FIGHT for what we WANT! Which for me is Jesus and his desire for my life.

I don't want to just settle for the average life.

I want to fight through the times when I am complacent with my life.

I want to fight Satan's cunning moves to take residence in my heart!

I want to do something even if it only changes one person's life.

I want to be apart of something much bigger than myself for the glory of my King!

What do you want? Do you want to just be complacent where you are,

or fight for the things that mean so much to you,

even if it means being uncomfortable?

Publish Post

Home is where the heart is.

2010-04-10T00:22:00.001-05:00

They say home is where the heart is and until a few days ago I agreed with it. Then I went to Guatemala and I met the kids at Hermano Pedro. Don't get me wrong I love being home. I really missed my family and my friends but my heart is still at Hermano Pedro! My heart is still with the kids. I have kind of had a hard time adjusting to being home. I have enjoyed catching up with my parents and with some of my friends but it has been hard to get back into the routine of things. I feel like I should be waking up in Guatemala and going to Hermano Pedro. I feel like I should be playing with the kids and giving them the attention they deserve, and though I wish I were doing all that stuff I know I am home for a reason. Here is a recap of the last couple days in Guatemala.

On Monday we went with Dick to the coast. We had to pick up one of the kids in the malnutrition ward mom. I am not sure what her name was because we always called her Momma. She was a sweet sweet lady with lots of kids and her and her family lived in the poorest area I have ever seen. Granted I haven't really seen any extremely poverty stricken people before but seeing it in person was nothing like it is in pictures, or what you see on t.v. or the news. As Pat said in her blog these poverty stricken people have names and faces now. Momma brought her youngest daughter Maria with her (because she is still breastfeeding) Maria is so sweet! She is a beautiful little girl that I wish I could take home with me! After we picked the two up we headed back to Hermano Pedro so Momma could see Julio then we dropped her off at her hotel and we (Me, Cameron, Pat and Laura) headed back to Mari and Leo's. Mari was making spaghetti for dinner and we were all so excited. Pat told us that her spaghetti was so good that a local restaurant bought the recipe from her... I wish I could say I tried the sauce but unfortunately we passed out before dinner was even being cooked I think. The three of us were so tired from the long hot day in the car and staying up really late we had no choice but to sleep from 6pm till the following morning. Here is a picture of the three of us passed out!!

When we woke up the next day we went and picked up Momma and Maria and had some breakfast then went to the orphanage to spend more time with the kids while momma spent time with Julio. Dick needed Pat to help him take Momma and Maria back to the coast (since Dick speaks no Spanish) so Pat did and the three of us stayed at Hermano Pedro for several hours to enjoy our last day with the kids! It was so hard to leave them knowing we were saying goodbye and wouldn't be seeing them for a long time. We really enjoyed our time with the kids. After we hung out with the kids the three of us went and got lunch and then made our way back to Mari and Leo's to wait for Pat to get back. In Guatemala there are these things called chicken busses. They call them this because the drivers drive crazy and play chicken. Pat told us from the beginning we would not be riding a chicken bus so Laura, Cameron and I decided we would play a little trick on Pat. We tried calling her to tell her that we were on the Chicken Bus lost and had no idea how to get back to Mari and Leo's but Dick's phone didn't have service when we tried to call so instead we just told her when she got home. The funny thing is that she actually believed us a little bit. However, we would never ride the chicken bus. It seemed a little to unknown for us to get on the bus and we had no idea what our address was! :)

Tuesday we finished up so errands we had like going to the market again and having one last meal out at Pollo Campero then we went back to Mari and Leo's to pack and get ready for our trip home! It was all in all a great day! Wednesday came and we made our way to the Airport got checked in made it through customs in Miami and after a little scare that we may have lost our luggage we found our luggage and made our way to our gate. When we got to our gate we found out our flight had been delayed 1 hour. Pat talked to the guy at the desk who was extremely rude to us about how if our flight was late and the other was on time we would miss our flight and then what would happen. Even though he gave us no answers we luckily didn't need the answers. Our flight from Dallas was also delayed. We were suppose to board our plane to come home at 9:30. Our flight was delayed however and after 1 gate change in a completely different terminal and almost 2 hours late we boarded our plane at about 11:15 (we were suppose to be home at 11:30) Our flight was long and we got into Omaha at about 1:15. It was a very long long long day (Considering we started our trip at 11:30 Guatemala time and went through two time zone changes before we were home) but it was fun! We all enjoyed ourselves and enjoyed our last few hours together with of course lots of laughter and lots of smiles!

I truly was blessed to be able to go to Guatemala. I never imagined it would be as awesome as it was. I knew it would be a huge blessing and I would come away a different person but I never expected to be this different. A lot has changed in such a short time. Tonight I went on a mother daughter date with my mom and she asked me if I had the overseas missionary bug. Turns out I do. I would love to spend more time with the kids at Hermano Pedro and more time with the families on the coast, or even helping out at the clinic on the coast or just doing anything I could to help anywhere. As well as global missions though I would like to do some Omaha missions as well until I can make my way to Guatemala again. I am not sure where I want to help out at but I would like to help somewhere. Laura and I are also planning on going back to Guatemala next summer (2011) for a longer time. Cameron might come too. We were planning on going the whole summer but I momentarily spaced the fact that my best friends wedding is the end of June and seeing as I am in it I should probably be there =) So I am praying about going after the wedding until school would start. If you are reading this and would like to pray for me that would be great. I need prayer on where God wants me. I have a lot of decisions to make as far as school and my life go. I never imagined I would be so called to global missions and I have been praying about taking time off and doing a longer term mission trip or maybe even making missions or international studies part of my major or maybe like my minor. I don't know though that is just me babbling it is all in God's hands. I do know one thing though I have got to learn some more spanish. Lo Siento and Gracias are not enough to make it for when I go back to Guatemala. Good thing I have at least a year! ( I should have listened to my dad all those years and stuck with Spanish now I will for sure though)

Well I hope you enjoyed reading this. I hope to continue to blog even though I am back from Guatemala though it probably won't be as often either way though God has big things in store for me and I can't wait to see what they are!

Missonaryitis...

2010-04-05T19:35:00.000-05:00

I meant to write this yesterday but time passed away from me!! It seems like that happens a lot here, one minute I am waking up and the next it is time for bed. Even though the time passes quickly though my days are full of love, adventure and LOTS OF FUN!! I am so sad that tomorrow is our last day with the kids and in Antigua at all. I really do love it here. Me and Laura are planning on coming back for the summer or atleast part of the summer next year and we can't wait! The kids at Hermano Pedro truly have found their places in my heart (just like I guessed) They are all so different and have their own personalities yet they are all so much a like in many ways. THey all need love and affection. They LOVE attention! It seriously amazes me that just by walking up to a kid and smiling at them brightens their faces. They smile and giggle sometimes and though most of them are non-verbal they even respond if not in words in their own ways.

This is a picture of Arianna! She is probably one of my favorite kids at Hermano Pedro her smile brightens my day and she smiles a lot! It makes me feel really guilty sometimes though. After the first time I held Arianna I was thinking to my self of how selfish I am and how ungrateful I am. How many days do I get irritable or cranky because I am hungry or because I am tired or because I have to work. These kids work everyday. Staying alive is work for them. They sit in their chairs and in their beds by themselves for most of the day. The nurses are great but they are so short staffed that it is hard to give all the kids the attention and affection they deserve. As I think about what I will take away most from the trip it is this... I have so much to be greatful for and so much to praise the Lord for! I hope that is something I won't lose after I am

home for a little bit. I also hope other people can learn form what I learned too.

There is so much more that has gone on the past couple days! I had planned on blogging close to everyday but time seriously does fly! The first day we were at Hermano Pedro we only brought ourselves. The second day we brought bubbles and puzzles. The kids are so much more fun when they don't have all that stuff. They love the bubbles and the toys but all they truly want is to be loved on and held. Picking a kid up is like the perfect icing on a cake. This picture is a picture of Elmer. He and his brother are both at Hermano Pedro. They are for sure the favorites of the nurses and pretty much have free reign of the place. They are so independent but even still they love to give hugs and Mayno (Elmer's brother) will give us kisses on the cheeck. It is so cute!

We also went to Chimaltenango which is where Dick Ruttgers live. He has kind of been our driver all week. He is one of the nicest guys I have ever met! He has such a heart for the kids and for Jesus. He even has like foster kids in a way from the neighborhood he lives in that stay at his house and when they don't have school they come on trips with him to Hermano Pedro and to do wheel chair distributions. It is so awesome! Last night we went and met some of his "kids" and played soccer with them and just hung out with them. It was so awesome.Though they aren't handicapped like the kids at Hermano Pedro they still needed love and when we were with them they also lit right up! It was so fun to get to minster to kids in such need of love. Dick was telling us that of the twenty or so kids on the soccer court only 2 of them come from homes with 2 parents (a mom and a dad) a few of them are being raised by their 24 year old brother and the rest may have just one parent and most of which are abusive. That is something that makes me sick to my stomach. Abuse is just kind of accepted down here. Though it is not okay nothing is done about it. It makes me so sad that kids are punished and beaten and it is okay.

There is so much more I could tell you about the trip but I feel like blogging doesn't do it much justice! When I get

back you will just have to come and talk to me about it!! Keep praying for the team. Though we only have one day so much can still be accomplished. Also be praying about more teams to come and for Pat's move.

here are some more pictures form my trip just so I don't leave you hanging to much!

The team!

Hasta Luego mis Amigos!!

2010-04-02T23:04:00.000-05:00

Hola!! Como estas?! I wish I could say I knew more spanish than that but I don't.
Today was AWESOME! Guatemala is nothing like I expected it to be! I was actually expecting it to be way worse than it actually is. It is fairly modern here, and everyone is so friendly! The family we are staying with are especially nice. Mari cooks so much food and though I am not a fan of all of it. I am sure if I liked the ingredients it would taste great! I also tried refried beans today (I know you are shocked!! I am too!) After breakfast we got ready and went out to Hermano Pedro. Most of the kids were outside watching the processions(more on those later) so we went inside to see the "naughty" kids who didn't get to go out to watch the processions. If you ask me the "naughty" ones were the lucky ones! It was so much fun to get to play with the kids. There was a little boy who's name was Estardo. We took him out of his wheel chair to play on one of the play sets they had and none of us (not even Pat) knew he could walk! He was walking all over the place! He loved loved walking too! When you would pick him up he would scream really really really loud until you put him down. I however, got to pick him up (he really liked me). I would pick him up and we would spin and he would just giggle and giggle, then when I would put him down he would get his bearing and ask to do it again. Alot of the kids are non-verbal but they have their own ways of communicating! It is so awesome to be with them and see their personalities. After we left Hermano Pedro Pat was telling us how well we did with the kids, she said most teams don't get right in there as well as we did! I was glad to hear that. We really did get right in and play with the kids. Laura took Erwin who has the nickname of monster! He really was sweet though. He was walking and playing and climbing and though he could be a handful he was quite sweet at times! Cameron also dug right in and of course Pat did too, but that is to be expected. Tomorrow we are going to the market in the morning and then back to Hermano Pedro in the afternoon so we can get the kids out of their cribs! I already can't wait to be with the kids again, and we are bringing our toys with us. Pat brought bubbles and I brought beach balls and some other things. I can't wait to see how much the kids engage with toys considering how much they engaged with just us playing with them. We also got to go to the malnutrition ward today. We had to get back for lunch so we didn't stay long but hopefully tomorrow we will get to hold some of the kids. They are so little. It is sad but it is also awesome because they are getting the help they need to get better! Now for the processions. They are werid.... very very weird... but in a way kind of cool, pat said she prayed the holy spirit would fill the city like the processions did and that is so true! But anywho... They also have these street painting called Alfombras. People use colored saw dust and flowers and they make these beautiful street painting on the streets the processions go down than once the procession passes they sweep it up. Its kind of sad but very cool because the only reason they do them if for Jesus so after the procession passes they sweep them up and that is that!

Well, I better be getting off here now! I will write more tomorrow and try to post some pictures of the kids!

Blessings,
Brianna